“But feelings can’t be ignored, no matter how unjust or ungrateful they seem.”
– Unknown
There is a lot currently going on in my real life that is affecting my moods and the way I've been carrying myself.
“There’s a solution to everything, except Death.”
– Unknown
The world is so scary right now. People are being killed. We cannot trust our own neighbors, even our own family members. The worry of finances looms over us like a weighted burden blanket on our shoulders. The American Dream seems like a pipe dream nowadays and the idea of ever being able to survive without some form of assistance is simply a dream.
And on top of all that, we have to be a human. We have to focus on how we conduct ourselves, how we take care of ourselves…. Are we watering ourselves? Are we getting adequate sunlight? Are we taking our meds?
Lately, the necessity to be human and survive by scraping the bottom of the barrel outweighs the want to be healthy, survive on my own, and be able to just live.
I would like to be able to one day return to work, despite my chronic illnesses and disabilities. I was actually in the works of being apart of a workforce for disabled persons and then this popped up. Life truly doesn’t stop when it needs you to slow down.
Life slammed on the brakes for me.
This surgery is going to change my life. I’m not going to lie. I’m terrified of the recovery and that’s not something I’ve really divulged to my support systems. I don’t really want to hear: “It’ll be okay!” or “They do this all the time.”
I know it’ll be okay. I know they do this all the time. But I have nothing to say about what I wish to hear… I literally don’t know how to ask for help here. I guess….
I guess what I want to hear… is that I’m not alone in this. I’ve got support.
My last major surgery (gastric bypass, roux-en-y, 8.18.25) was a tad traumatizing, considering the night before my friend at the time and ride for surgery decided to cut ties.
I took a Lyft to the hospital the next morning.
I was taken back alone, with no visitor at my side to wish me well.
I was put to sleep, knowing that there was no one waiting for me on the other side of that tunnel.
But… life goes on. That surgery still happened. Her breaking off that relationship, that friendship I so cherished fucking shattered me; but it did not stop life.
Life goes on.
The ocean still has tides. The moon still has phases. You don’t need anyone on the other side of the tunnel to greet you. You will always make it to the other side, alone or not.
It’s sort of a hard pill to swallow. I tend to think that maybe it’s meant to be though. How could anyone swallow something so truthful, so dry, without the use of lubrication to let it down?
It takes a village does not only apply to raising children. We, as adults, need to guide each other and check each other. We are imperative to our own successes. But we also need to remember that we need to nurture ourselves before we apply it to others.
We can do this.
Life may go on, but we are Bad Bitches.
…& Bad Bitches always come out on top; whether tear-stained or covered in bruises… we fight. We win.
Life… you stand no chance against me. Not with my village behind me.
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